The Boy Who Never Quite Learned to Dance

By Lewis McLain & AI

The first record I ever bought was a 45 rpm of Buddy Holly’s “Peggy Sue.” That tiny disc felt like it held the universe. I’d play it over and over, the guitar hiccupping like a nervous teenager and Buddy’s voice bouncing like he was trying not to spill a secret. And with every spin, my imagination took off. I could see myself out there in the middle of the dance floor, shirt collar open, fists pumping, sneakers pounding the wood in glorious rhythm. I wasn’t just dancing—I was inventing new categories of cool.



The Imagination

But imagination is a dangerous liar.

I was actually a wall flower somewhat comfortable just watching and wishing.


The Wall Flower Reality

Reality came when someone (probably one of my great friends from the third grade, Beverly or Janet) grabbed me by the sleeve and dragged me out onto the floor during a dance at the Teen Club in Farmers Branch. It wasn’t even a free form, “just shake and look natural” kind of number. No—this was a line formation. Rules. Steps. Coordination. I was in trouble.

My imagination became a mind recorder that night. I could practically see the playback: my feet trying to decide if left meant left or if left meant “trip over yourself.” My arms were pumping like I was milking invisible cows to some rock tune. And my face—my face was locked in that grimace-smile combination unique to teenagers who know they’re failing but are determined to look like they’re not.

I earned myself a C-minus, at best. And that was on a generous grading curve.



When I landed at the UNT campus (North Texas State University from 1961 to 1988), I thought maybe geography would help. New place, new people, new me. That’s when I met Linda, my Peggy Sue. Linda could dance. Linda had courage. And Linda—bless her—decided to loan me a little of both. With her experience and with a whisper of alcohol acting like rocket fuel to me at the time, dancing began to seem possible. Not easy, but possible. My grade improved to a C+ territory.

Still, I knew who the real dancer was. Linda glided. I lurched. Linda spun, and I rotated like a stubborn washing machine on its last cycle. But somehow it worked, because she kept encouraging me back onto the floor. She was patient and kind.

Fast forward to our mid-marriage years: Our solution? Humor. Any hopes for rhythm by booze were years in the past. But still—miraculously—we were moving and no longer needed the floor space we once did. Picture two hugging bears, braving the trip onto the floor, bobbing rhythmically and occasionally parting and then colliding. That was us. Linda still had it, but I set new lows even though we laughed through every step of it.



Now we’ve reached the senior edition of dancing. We’ve lost most of the urge to dance, yes, but we’ve also lost our audience. The dance floor has shrunk to the size of a kitchen, sometimes no bigger than the space between the refrigerator and the kitchen table. The music doesn’t come from Buddy Holly’s 45 anymore—it comes from whatever the Alexa thinks we meant when we said, “Play something we can dance to.” However, we don’t need any music.

We stick to slow dancing now. Easy to fake, harder to mess up. A sway, a shuffle, a turn if the knees allow. No one’s grading anymore. No one’s even watching. And that’s the secret: the freedom to just move, no grades, no pressure, no audience but each other.

From Peggy Sue to the kitchen floor, from C-minus to C-plus to “who cares,” we’ve carried the rhythm the best way we knew how. We never got to A-level dancing since I was the leg ball and chain. But we got the one grade that matters in the long run: an A in joy.

Because when the lights are low and the kitchen is ours, we aren’t as mobile anymore. We’re just two kids who never stopped trying. LFM

The Burden of Being Misunderstood

A collaboration between Lewis McLain & AI


Introduction: The Human Longing to Be Known

Few human experiences cut as deeply as being misunderstood. To speak with sincerity only to be misheard, to act with good intention only to be judged wrongly, is a wound that echoes in the soul. From Socrates on trial in Athens to artists whose work was only appreciated after death, history is filled with men and women whose essence was obscured by misunderstanding. Yet the experience is not reserved for the famous; it is part of the everyday fabric of marriages, friendships, and workplaces. Understanding why it happens, the pain it causes, and how it can be prevented is essential for any life that seeks peace, intimacy, and effective collaboration.


Why Misunderstanding Happens

1. The Imperfection of Language

Language is a fragile bridge between minds. Words carry multiple meanings, shaped by culture, upbringing, and emotion. The simple phrase “I’m fine” may mean relief, indifference, exhaustion, or deep pain depending on tone and context. Misunderstanding is built into the very tools we use to connect.

2. Psychological Filters

Every listener filters communication through personal experiences. If someone grew up in a critical household, even neutral feedback may feel like an attack. If a spouse feels insecure, a simple absence of words can be heard as rejection. These filters distort reality.

3. Assumptions and Cognitive Shortcuts

Our brains save time by assuming. When a colleague misses a deadline, we may assume laziness rather than hidden struggles. When a partner forgets an anniversary, we may assume indifference rather than stress. These shortcuts help us survive but often betray truth.

4. Cultural and Generational Differences

In multicultural workplaces and families, communication styles clash. A blunt statement meant as efficiency may feel like rudeness. Silence meant as respect may feel like distance. What one generation calls “honesty,” another calls “harshness.”

5. The Speed of Modern Life

Emails skimmed, texts dashed off, meetings rushed—modern communication often sacrifices clarity for speed. Misunderstanding thrives in the gaps where careful explanation once lived.


The Horrible Feelings of Being Misunderstood

To be misunderstood is not merely inconvenient; it is existentially painful.

  • Alienation: It creates a gulf between self and others. One feels exiled even in the midst of family or colleagues.
  • Helplessness: Attempts to clarify can deepen suspicion: “The more I explain, the less they believe me.”
  • Humiliation: Being misjudged damages reputation, sometimes irreparably. In the workplace, it can derail careers. In marriage, it can fracture intimacy.
  • Loneliness: Misunderstood individuals may retreat inward, carrying the unshakable sense that no one truly sees them.
  • Anger and Bitterness: Repeated misinterpretation corrodes patience, leaving resentment to fester.

The philosopher Søren Kierkegaard captured the torment when he wrote: “People understand me so little that they do not even understand when I complain of being misunderstood.”


Misunderstanding in Marriage

Marriage is both the most fertile ground for misunderstanding and the most urgent place to heal it.

Common Triggers

  1. Unspoken Expectations: One partner assumes the other “should know” what they need without saying it. Disappointment follows.
  2. Different Communication Styles: Some are verbal processors, others internal. Silence may feel like avoidance to one, thoughtfulness to another.
  3. Stress and Fatigue: A weary tone may be mistaken for anger; distraction may be mistaken for indifference.
  4. Conflict Escalation: During arguments, words are rushed, tone is sharp, and intentions are distorted.

Real-World Example

Consider a couple where the husband works long hours to provide financial security, while the wife longs for quality time. He believes he is expressing love through sacrifice; she believes he is expressing disinterest. Both are misunderstood because they equate love with different actions. Without clarity, affection curdles into resentment.

Preventive Practices

  • Radical Clarity: Instead of assuming, ask. “When you’re quiet, should I understand it as thoughtfulness or withdrawal?”
  • Regular Check-ins: Create safe spaces to ask: “Do you feel understood by me right now?”
  • Active Listening: Repeating back what was heard (“So you’re saying you felt hurt when I forgot…”) validates the partner’s inner world.
  • Love Languages: Recognize that affection is communicated differently—through words, gifts, service, time, or touch. Misunderstanding often arises when partners speak different “languages.”

Misunderstanding in the Workplace

Workplaces magnify misunderstanding because of layered hierarchies, pressures, and competing goals.

Common Sources

  1. Ambiguous Instructions: Leaders say, “Get this done soon,” but each employee defines “soon” differently.
  2. Lack of Context: When decisions are made without explanation, workers fill the gap with suspicion.
  3. Email Tone: A curt response written in haste may be read as hostility.
  4. Generational and Cultural Gaps: A younger worker may interpret silence from a manager as disapproval, while the manager thinks, “No news is good news.”

Case Study: The Boeing 737 MAX Crisis

Misunderstanding played a role in the Boeing 737 MAX tragedies. Engineers flagged risks, but managers misunderstood—or dismissed—their concerns, assuming compliance meant safety. The gap between intention and perception led to catastrophic consequences.

Preventive Practices

  • Explicit Communication: Replace vagueness with specifics. Deadlines, deliverables, and success measures must be clear.
  • Feedback Culture: Encourage employees to restate instructions in their own words to confirm understanding.
  • Transparent Leadership: Share the reasoning behind decisions. Context prevents negative assumptions.
  • Cross-Cultural Training: Equip teams to recognize differences in communication styles.

Strategies for Prevention Across Life

  1. Practice Humility: Accept that you may not have been clear. Re-explain without defensiveness.
  2. Develop Empathy: Seek first to understand before seeking to be understood.
  3. Slow Down: In moments of tension, resist the urge for quick reactions.
  4. Use Multiple Channels: Important messages deserve both spoken and written forms.
  5. Acknowledge Emotions: Sometimes, people need validation of their feelings more than explanation of your intent.

The Paradoxical Gift of Being Misunderstood

Though painful, being misunderstood can also sharpen self-awareness. Many great innovators, prophets, and artists were misunderstood in their time—Jesus of Nazareth, Vincent van Gogh, Emily Dickinson, Martin Luther King Jr. Their experience forced them to deepen conviction, clarify expression, and find identity not in approval but in truth. For ordinary people, the same paradox can hold: misunderstanding, though a wound, can also be a teacher.


Conclusion: Toward a Culture of Understanding

To be understood is to be seen; to be misunderstood is to be invisible. The difference can determine the health of a marriage, the morale of a workplace, or the direction of a life. Misunderstanding will never vanish, but intentional listening, clarity, and empathy can reduce its grip. When people slow down enough to ask, “What did you mean?” and to say, “Here’s how I felt,” they build bridges across the abyss. And in those bridges lies the possibility of love, trust, and shared humanity.


Reflection and Application Questions

For Personal Reflection

  1. When was the last time I felt misunderstood? What emotions rose up in me?
  2. Do I tend to withdraw, defend, or over-explain when misunderstood? Why?
  3. How often do I assume I know what others mean without asking?
  4. What patterns from my upbringing shape how I interpret others’ words?

For Couples

  1. What’s one time in our relationship when you felt I truly misunderstood you? How did it affect you?
  2. What signals (tone, silence, habits) do I often misinterpret in you?
  3. What communication style differences exist between us, and how can we honor them?
  4. How can we build a regular rhythm of checking in about whether we feel seen and heard?

For Workplace Teams

  1. When has miscommunication in our team caused tension or lost productivity?
  2. What instructions or messages are usually the most misunderstood here?
  3. How can we improve feedback loops so people feel safe asking for clarification?
  4. Do we share enough context for decisions, or do we leave colleagues filling in the gaps with assumptions?
  5. How can we better acknowledge the emotions—stress, fatigue, pride—that affect how messages are received?

The Porch Conversation

Scene: Two old friends, Harold and Frank, sit on a creaky porch, rocking chairs in rhythm. The cicadas are buzzing. Both are hard of hearing, but neither will admit it.



Harold: (leaning in) Frank, you remember the summer of ’62 when we went fishing down at Lake Benton?

Frank: (cupping his ear) What’s that? Went wishing for a baked ham?

Harold: (rolling his eyes) No, fishing at Lake Benton. We caught that big catfish.

Frank: (snapping his fingers) Ah, right! The cat. Scratched your leg something awful.

Harold: (sputtering) Not a cat! A catfish! In the lake!

Frank: (nodding, satisfied) Sure, sure. Mean old tabby. Always hung around the bakery.


Harold: (sighing) Anyway, that was the day you fell out of the boat.

Frank: (outraged) What? I never fell out of a coat! Fit me just fine!

Harold: The boat, Frank. You tipped the boat over!

Frank: (grinning proudly) Oh, yes, yes. That wool coat tipped me right over. Heavy as an ox in July.

Harold: (muttering) If you say so.


Frank: You still got those suspenders from that trip?

Harold: (perks up) Defenders? Oh, sure, I still believe in strong defense.

Frank: (shakes his head) Not defenders—suspenders! You hauled me out by ‘em. Nearly stretched to Kansas.

Harold: (snorts) And nearly pulled my back out too. You were kicking like a mule.

Frank: (offended) Mule? I never kissed a mule in my life!

Harold: (chuckling) Not kissing, kicking! You looked like you were swimming for the Olympics.

Frank: (relieved) Ah. Well. Good. Rumors get around in a small town.


Harold: Speaking of the town, you remember the county fair that year?

Frank: (nodding) Oh, yes, the one where you lost your hair.

Harold: (touching his bald head) My hair? I lost my hare—the rabbit race. Mine ran the wrong way.

Frank: (squints) Thought it looked fast. Shame it was made of fur.

Harold: (snorts) That’s not how races work, Frank.


Frank: What about the dance afterward? You asked Millie Thompson to waltz.

Harold: (confused) Waltz? I asked her to wash! Why would she wash me?

Frank: (grinning) She turned you down flat. Said you had two left feet.

Harold: No, no. She said I had two left boots! Mismatched shoes. Brand new, both for the left foot. Couldn’t hardly walk straight.

Frank: (laughing so hard he wheezes) And you tried to dance in ‘em! Looked like a turkey on stilts.


Harold: At least I tried. You were too scared to ask anyone.

Frank: (puffs his chest) Nonsense! I danced with Betty Lou.

Harold: (snorts) You danced with a barbecue?

Frank: Betty Lou, Harold! The preacher’s niece.

Harold: Ohhh. I thought you said brisket. Would’ve made more sense.


Frank: You remember our army days?

Harold: (smiling) Sure do. You were in the kitchen, peeling potatoes.

Frank: (confused) I was in the mission, stealing tomatoes?

Harold: (laughing) Well, that too probably.

Frank: (indignant) Hey now, I only borrowed them. They put ‘em back in the stew later.

Harold: (grinning) Yeah, after you ate half of ‘em raw.


Frank: You still go to church every Sunday?

Harold: (earnest) Oh yes, never missed a sermon. Pastor’s words keep me steady.

Frank: (nods) Same here. Those donuts in the foyer keep me ready.

Harold: (squints) Donuts? I said sermons!

Frank: (shrugs) Six of one, half dozen of the other.


Harold: You know, Frank, we remember things awfully different.

Frank: (smiling) Yep. That’s what keeps it interesting.

Harold: You ever wonder which of us has the story right?

Frank: (chuckles) Nope. I just assume it was better my way.

Harold: (laughing) Figures.

Frank: (leans back, sipping coffee) Harold, you and I may not hear so well anymore, but we still talk better than most folks do these days.

Harold: (nodding slowly) That’s the truth. Even if half of it’s wrong.



Epilogue: The Wives

(Inside the house, two women sit at the kitchen table drinking iced tea. They are listening to Harold and Frank through the open window as the old men keep rocking and swapping their muddled memories.)

Martha (Harold’s wife): (shaking her head) You hear those two out there? Harold’s got Frank falling out of boats again.

Evelyn (Frank’s wife): (rolling her eyes) Oh, I heard. If you ask Frank, he never even owned a boat. Said it was a heavy wool coat!

Martha: And the fair! Harold’s talking about losing rabbits. You and I both know he lost his paycheck at the ring toss.

Evelyn: (chuckling) And don’t get me started on Millie Thompson. Neither of them ever danced with her. She was too busy chasing the dentist’s boy.

Martha: (smiling wryly) Truth is, between the two of them, they couldn’t remember their own names without us.

Evelyn: (laughing) And yet, somehow, they think they’re the wise ones.

(The women clink their iced tea glasses, listening as Harold and Frank burst into laughter outside for no apparent reason.)

Martha: Let ‘em talk. Half of it’s wrong, but it keeps ‘em happy.

Evelyn: (nodding) And after fifty years, that’s what matters.