A collaboration between Lewis McLain & AI
Introduction
I don’t actually remember where I found this book many years ago. I recall using it in year-long workshops I once conducted for new and emerging city managers, as well as another workshop for finance directors. I’m sure it was likely an attractive title to me since Linda & I were once involved in and led a marriage communication weekend. Nevertheless, I knew this book addressed a workplace need. I gave my 2,000+ library away to a high school librarian a few years back, so I can’t retrieve it to see any notes I might have written in the book. Still, this essay is an attempt to convey a critical message to anyone who might read my blog. LFM
When Reuel L. Howe, Episcopal priest and professor of pastoral theology, published The Miracle of Dialogue in 1963, he was addressing one of the deepest crises of his time: the loss of authentic communication. For Howe, dialogue was not simply conversation, but a sacred process through which persons discover themselves, one another, and God. His book outlined principles that remain as necessary today as they were in the turbulent 1960s.
Dialogue as Life-Blood
Perhaps the most vivid line in Howe’s book is this: “Dialogue is to love, what blood is to the body. When the flow of blood stops, the body dies. When dialogue stops, love dies and resentment and hate are born. But dialogue can restore a dead relationship. Indeed, this is the miracle of dialogue.”
Here, Howe underscores that dialogue is not optional. Just as circulation sustains physical life, communication sustains relational and spiritual life. When dialogue dries up—whether between spouses, friends, or nations—resentment, suspicion, and hostility emerge. Yet the miracle is that dialogue can revive what seems dead.
Barriers and Breakdowns
Howe was realistic about how hard this is. He wrote, “A barrier to communication is something that keeps meanings from meeting.” He understood that people may speak the same words but miss each other’s meaning because of fear, assumptions, or prejudice.
Such barriers are not merely semantic—they are deeply personal. He observed, “The breakdown of community and, therefore, of dialogue occurs when there is an obliteration of persons. This obliteration takes place when one person or the other exploits the relationship for any purpose other than its true one.”
In other words, dialogue collapses when we treat others as objects to be managed instead of persons to be honored.
The Ontological Depth of Dialogue
Howe believed dialogue reaches beyond words to touch the very core of being. “Every genuine conversation, therefore, can be an ontological event, and every exchange between husband and wife, parent and child, teacher and pupil, person and person, has more meaning than the thing talked about.”
In practice, even ordinary conversations about chores or daily frustrations carry transformative weight if both parties enter them with openness.
Knowing and Being Known
Howe taught that self-knowledge is relational: “Only as we know another and are known by him, can we know ourselves.” To be human is to be relational, created in the image of a God who exists in eternal relationship. Thus, dialogue is not just human skill but divine calling.
Why Howe Wrote the Book
Howe wrote The Miracle of Dialogue because he saw his culture losing this art. In politics, debate was replacing dialogue. In families, silence or command took the place of listening. In the church, sermons and programs often substituted for genuine pastoral presence. He believed the consequences were devastating: alienation, loneliness, and the collapse of community.
Yet he also believed that the miracle of dialogue could reverse the trend. By practicing vulnerability, respect, and attentiveness, people could rediscover each other and reweave the fabric of society.
What Now? A Practical Guide to Living Dialogue
Howe’s work begs the question: what should the reader actually do with this? The miracle of dialogue is not realized in theory but in practice. Here are five starting steps:
- Create Space for Listening
- Set aside time each day to listen without agenda. In a family, this may mean turning off devices at dinner and allowing everyone to share. In the workplace, it may mean pausing before giving answers and hearing out the full story.
- Practice Vulnerable Speech
- Risk saying what is truly on your heart, even if it feels small or unpolished. Howe reminds us that dialogue is born in honesty, not performance.
- Check for Barriers
- When a conversation feels stuck, ask: “What barrier is keeping our meanings from meeting?” Misunderstanding, assumption, or defensiveness may be blocking true exchange. Naming the barrier can begin to remove it.
- Value Persons over Outcomes
- Resist the temptation to enter conversation simply to win, persuade, or manage. Howe warns that exploitation obliterates persons. Instead, see the person as more important than the argument or decision.
- Invite God into Dialogue
- Whether through prayer before a difficult conversation or openness to the Spirit’s prompting while listening, recognize dialogue as a sacred act. Dialogue, for Howe, is not just about communication between humans but communion with God.
Practicing the Miracle of Dialogue: A 7-Day Plan
Reuel L. Howe believed dialogue was not merely theory but a way of life. To begin living it, here is a week-long practice plan drawn from the principles of The Miracle of Dialogue. Each day focuses on one theme, with a concrete exercise.
Day 1: Create Space for Listening
Choose one person in your life. Set aside 15–20 minutes today to listen to them without interruption. Repeat back what you heard to confirm understanding.
Day 2: Practice Vulnerable Speech
In a conversation, share something real from your heart—a worry, a hope, or a memory. Notice how honesty changes the dynamic.
Day 3: Check for Barriers
Reflect on a recent strained conversation. Identify at least one barrier—assumption, fear, or distraction. Plan a follow-up where you acknowledge the barrier and try again.
Day 4: Value Persons over Outcomes
In a conversation today, consciously put the relationship ahead of the result. Say to yourself: “This person is more important than my agenda.”
Day 5: Invite God into Dialogue
Before a key conversation, pause and pray: “Lord, help me to listen as You listen, and to speak as You would speak.” Reflect afterward on how the exchange felt.
Day 6: Engage Across Difference
Seek out a conversation with someone whose perspective differs from yours. Ask questions with genuine curiosity, aiming to understand rather than persuade.
Day 7: Reflect and Renew
At week’s end, journal about moments when dialogue felt alive. Identify one practice to carry forward—listening, praying, or honoring the person over the outcome.
Conclusion
Reuel L. Howe’s The Miracle of Dialogue is both timeless and timely. His insistence that dialogue is like blood to the body, that barriers keep “meanings from meeting,” that every genuine conversation is more than its subject, and that we only know ourselves by being known by others—all these insights point to dialogue as the lifeblood of human existence.
Howe wrote the book to warn against the dangers of monologue and manipulation and to point toward the sacred possibility of real conversation. For readers today, the “What Now” is clear: create space, practice vulnerability, check for barriers, value persons, and invite God into the exchange. In doing so, we participate in the miracle that can heal broken relationships, revive community, and draw us closer to God Himself.
Let's Talk About It, Lewis! 